Unforgiveness Only Hurts You! Yes, YOU!!!

I mentioned in my last blog that I am doing a fast right now. Today, I am on day 8. So far, I’ve already seen some amazing things happening. I’ve blogged before about my past and about why Malachi’s dad wasn’t involved. I got an overwhelming response when I let you all know that his father was trying to reach out an establish a relationship after 9 years. Most people are convinced that it is the best to allow that relationship to opportunity to flourish. After much prayer, I decided that was in fact the wisest decision. My family, however was not on board. The first time came up here, my parents did not return my kids to me as they were supposed to, and took them up North. Since then, the discussion of him visiting has caused much controversy. I decided to pray and leave it in God’s hands. Mostly because I did not want to dishonor my husband. I felt we needed to be in unity regarding this.


Last week, after starting my fast, Nick (my husband) sent Malachi’s  biodad a text inviting him to Malachi’s basketball practice and to hang out for the day. We all made plans and Malachi was so excited. The day arrived and my father showed up early before practice asking to take my kids to breakfast then he would take them to practice. I then told him about our plans for the day. He was instantly furious. He said he would be coming to practice for sure then. I immediately put out some prayer requests with Christian friends and I started to pray really hard as well. I envisioned my father just throwing punches and yelling and I could just imagine the pain it would cause my baby. My dad did come to practice. He paced angrily up and down the hallways awaiting biodad’s arrival.

As biodad walked into the gym I could just feel the angry energy. My mom and dad stood to greet him. Biodad looked my father in the eyes and reached out his hand to shake my father’s. My dad hesitated for a second and then shook it. He then walked out of the gym. Trust me when I tell you that was God. My mom cried and simply said “You better not hurt that little boy.” He replied, “I don’t intend to, Mam.” Then my parents left. We went on to have a day Malachi describes as “the best day of his life”.


The next morning I found out that while my dad was having breakfast with my son he decided it was his place to tell my son every bad thing he knew about his biological father. I wasn’t very sure how to respond to that so I didn’t. I will pray for him the same way I prayed for biodad all of these years. I will forgive him the same as well. To my parents and anyone else who feels this wrong should not be forgiven I say that unforgiveness hurts you and not the offender. I also say that there’s a lot you don’t know. Yes, biodad hurt me. He has made some very bad choices. He’s hurt his son. But, when he started reaching out to ask for time with his son, he asked for forgiveness. He didn’t have to ask because I had already forgiven him years ago. Nonetheless, he asked. He has verbalized that he realizes there’s nothing he can do to fix the past 10 years. He is just asking for an opportunity to be there now. He has also let me know that he is now a Christian. He is very aware and repentant of his sins. Prior to my husband telling me I can no longer talk to him, we talked quite a bit. I did so because this is my son we’re talking about and I would no way no how put my child into danger. Not even emotional danger. Not on purpose. I needed to feel and know that there was sincerity. I promise you all that everything biodad has said to me has lined up with the word of God. I feel with all of my heart that he is sincere and that he truly has no ill intentions toward our son. He simply want to try to right his wrongs. Proverbs 28:13 says that whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. I think that God has given him mercy through me. God knows his heart.


To anyone carrying around the heavy burden of unforgiveness or even those who can’t comprehend why on Earth I’d allow this union, you must understand that I live for God. I want God’s will to come to pass in  my life above all else. This means that there are guidelines I must follow. I have learned there are reasons God says we need to forgive others. These reasons are for our benefit not theirs.

Reason’s we need to forgive:

  • So God will forgive us (Matt 6:15)
  • So your prayers will be answered (Mark 11:25, Prov 28:9)
  • Because Christ forgave us (Eph 4:32)
  • We are to do good to those who hurt us (Luke 6:27)
  • Don’t judge or you will be judged (Luke 6:37)
  • So the Lord will show compassion to you (Ps 103:10-14)
  • To truly love. Love is the first commandment. (Prov 10:12)
  • Everyone has sinned (Rom 3:23, Ecc 7:20, Prov 17:9)
  • Repay no one evil for evil (Rom 12:17)
  • So God doesn’t reject you (Matt 7:21-23)


I know that I have sinned. I have messed up a whole lot in my life. We cannot compare sins and weigh them based on what we think is better or worse. Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone, right? Then why in the world are we so judgmental? I think Christians are the worse! We are supposed to love others above all else. Like Jesus did. Why would you risk, even for a second, not honoring God especially when the last days are here? There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1). I want that. I want freedom from my condemnation. I can’t do anything myself but only through him. Do you honestly think I could’ve forgiven such a transgression without God’s help? It is not me but Christ in me. I pray that those I love will also seek God’s face and learn to live by his laws so that you too can be forgiven and so that your prayers are not hindered. You can’t do it on your own. But with God all things are possible.



5 thoughts on “Unforgiveness Only Hurts You! Yes, YOU!!!”

  1. Good for you sweetie. Every blog entry is writing with so much honesty and passion. I don’t understand how your dad could try to destroy your sons dreams. We all have dreams of having the most wonderful parent in the world. And from the recent blog you posted about your dad, he sounds like the last person who should be throwing stones. What a shame. But I’m so happy that your hubby sounds like he’s being supportive. I don’t know all of the details behind biodad, but everyone makes mistakes, and only a few learn from them. So if he has apologized, and learned, I say better late than never! Every boy needs to know his biodad cares. It can mean the difference between low and high self esteem. Depending on the details behind his short comings, I would keep a close eye on biodad. But I know from experience, If biodad wants to be a responsible dad, that will ultimately be one of the greatest gifts your son will ever receive. Outside of a mother’s love of course.
    Keep your eye on gramps too. He sounds like he’s on a course to being more harmful than helpful! Putting all that on a child! Shameful! Keep on worshiping the Lord and give all doubts to him. Jesus Is The way!

    1. Thank you so much for commenting. I don’t understand my father either but, like biodad, he can change too so I will continue to pray for him. God will work it all out.

  2. Your baby’s daddy sounds like a bum!
    Your own dad sounds like a piece of shit asshole for dumping drama on your son!
    Your husband sounds like a Great guy who is supportive! And you sound confused! Just follow your husband’s lead & you’ll be fine!

  3. To keep the peace,
    Just don’t tell your parents when you and your sons dad schedule time to spend with each other. Then, the problem will be resolved. It’s only a matter that needs to be shared with you and your husband. If you want your son to know his dad, and your husband supports you, there is no reason to keep telling your parents. when you know they will just show up to cause problems. Your son doesn’t deserve the hostility. And if only you and your husband know the dad is visiting, then the hostility won’t exist. But the only reason they keep showing up at those times is because your giving them information they don’t need.

    1. I completely agree. Thanks for the comment. I do want my son to know his daddy for his well being. It’s not too late and his dad has definitely made many positive changes in his life.

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