Ready! Set! Disengage!

This is so unlike me. I’ve just reached that point. The point of no return. I thought I could just bounce back like I always have but this time it was different.

My step son attached to me immediately. We spent plenty of nights cuddling on the couch and talking, bedtime stories, and hugs. He even called me mom. Until his real mom made it clear that was unacceptable to her. That’s neither here nor there. I can’t imagine. I can not fathom how difficult it is to have to share your precious little ones with another woman. I’ll give her that. What I cannot understand, however, is why she wants to raise a person like this.

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Let me back up. He has always been our biggest handful. He cannot empathize with other people. He is always hurting others. He is extremely angry. He’s a handful. Every time there’s an issue I would always handle it delicately. Give him examples. Stories. Verses. Try to teach him why what he did was wrong. It’s draining. It’s time-consuming. But he’s worth it.

One day right before Christmas there was a routine issue, in which he again, hurt another child. As him and I were sitting on the couch talking about why hitting is wrong (again) he got hysterical. He always gets hysterical but usually he calms down. This time he didn’t. It escalated to the point where he said some very hurtful things to me. This isn’t the first time and usually I just take it but these words, this time, cut like a knife. Probably because it hit me from behind. I had no idea it was coming. Just the night before I tucked him in, hugged him, told him I love him like I always did. I guess the reason it bothers me so much is because a nine-year old couldn’t come up with the things he said. I know these words are directly out of mom and grandma’s mouth. He got so angry that he said he wished I never came into his life, things were way better before I showed up, he just wanted me and my boys to leave, I’ve never done anything for him ever, I just spend all dad’s money and I don’t make any of my own, all I do is take from them, I never buy him anything, I don’t like him because I don’t let him do what he wants, I started the fire, and that I am mean to him.

The next day we sat down and I calmly asked him truthfully if he really thought his life would be better without me. He responded with a resounding yes. Dad cried. Hailey cried. My boys and I were crying as we packed our things to leave. My step son smirked. He got his way.

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I only stayed gone a day. I came back. I said vows with my husband and I cannot leave him or hurt the other kids like that. But nothing has been the same since. I have chosen to disengage. He feels that I never did anything for him ever then I won’t. I love him but I do not like him. I can no longer try to get hurt over and over again. I’m fighting a losing battle. Mom and I have different opinions on how to raise children and that child is not mine so I can no longer try to raise him. I don’t know what else to do aside from let him tear our family apart. He’s in trouble constantly at school to which biomom usually laughs. He’s threatened to kill my children and I. He’s just mean. Every time he gets in trouble someone always makes excuses for him or blames another person. There’s never any accountability. I am just tired. Everyone else wants me gone so, to him, I am gone. I hate it though. I’m just sitting here watching him ruin his life. I hope I’m wrong.

A few months ago, biomom posted a blog post on Facebook entitled If My Kid is Being an Asshole, Tell Me. I wanted so badly to tell her. I know that she can’t hear it from me though.  I’m the last person she could hear it from. Here’s the truth: your kid is mean. He’s spoiled. He’s angry. He’s naughty. He’s weird. He’s also stinky because apparently showering and hygiene products don’t matter to her either. He needs help or he will end up in jail or worse. I will continue to pray for him. Even though you don’t want my prayers. But from now on, I am no longer co parenting for him for my own well being. I am also equally disappointed about this because, after the fire, we were getting along so well. I actually thought we were friends. I thought we were on a positive path to healing and co parenting finally. Now, that’s all out the window again. The whole situation sucks. I can understand so clearly why second marriages don’t make it. Even if the marriage is healthy, you are going to marry the ex and the kids too. Life’s not all rainbows and butterflies. If you want a real character builder, become a step mom. You’ll learn really fast how far you can bend before you break. Life is full of ups and downs. Today, I’m down.  Sorry for the pessimistic post. Sometimes I think keeping the peace means stepping away and knowing where the boudaries are.

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