Why I Hate Mother’s Day

Every year I think it’ll be different. It’s not. If you’ve read any of my story you know that I was a single mom for a few years. Although my parents always tried their best to make me feel better and have my boys do something, it just wasn’t the same. I guess deep down I want to be recognized by the two people who will never care. I wonder, do you see what amazing human beings I’ve made out of your DNA? Nope. Because they don’t even know their own kids. They certainly can’t begin to understand what it takes to raise them. Shoot, they don’t help to parent them in any way so why should I ever expect so much as a proverbial pat on the back? It just hurt. This day, for years, just hurt. It made me feel so much more alone than anything could.

Flash forward five years later. I am remarried. My husband is amazing. He is the best father I could ask for my boys. I now have two beautiful bonus children. Those children have a mother. Every single year, since we were engaged, I have done something for her. I go out, and get supplies, and spend time and money, and make a huge mess out of my kitchen to make gifts filled with love for a woman who hates me. Actually two because my mother-n-law is also filled with hate for me. I’m not sure what I ever did to her. She doesn’t even acknowledge that I exist on Mother’s Day. My husband goes to her house alone because I have yet to be invited into their home.

Last night, at eleven, I got a little emotional as I’m finishing up the gifts for biomom, mother-n-law, and biomom’s mom. I told my husband I don’t know why I do this every year to myself. All this time, mess, and money. I do it because I know how it feels to be alone on Mother’s Day. I don’t want anyone else to feel that way. When my husband and I were dating and then engaged, biomom wasn’t around much. The kids, for a few years, didn’t even want to make her anything. I had to force them. Through the years, I’ve taught them the importance of honoring their mother. Now, I think they like her better than me. I’m glad. I want them to adore their mother. I just hate that somehow it means they have to choose between us. I feel like the maid in the background that’s just hated for existing. I continue to love. Most days. Again, this year, I threw myself out there without so much as a thank you. I want to be that positive example. I want to exude love. I want to show all of my kids what walking in love looks like. I will continue to do the right thing. I will continue because it is honorable to walk in peace and avoid strife. Even if I don’t see the rewards of that until I’m facing Jesus.

Sometimes I think that being a step mom helps me relate a little to what Jesus felt like on Earth. Everyone hated Him. He was rejected and ridiculed. All He did was love others. I’m far from being like Jesus. All I can hope is that I’m enough like Him that the kids will see it. Hopefully, one day, if someone dislikes them they will still choose love and peace. Happy Mother’s Day ladies. Spread love today.

Are You Spending Enough Time with Your Kids?

I try to ask my kids probing questions on a regular basis. The other morning, waiting for the bus, I asked Malachi “What’s your favorite thing that you’ve ever done?” Keep in mind that I have taken my kids on plenty of amazing road trips and vacations and cool things all over the country. His reply though, “That time during game night when we played Monopoly and I won.” Yup. I was shocked too.

So how much time do we really spend with our kids? I’m not talking about you watching TV in different rooms. Or them being on video games while you work. Do you have family meals together? Studies show that parents are spending less and less time with their offspring. Yet, it is so very important to their well-being to get that from you. Something simple like implementing a family game night could change everything. Asking open-ended questions every chance you get. And really listen to their answers.

We have the kids pick a game. I usually make pop corn or some other snack and tea or hot chocolate are staples for us too. We set aside an hour  but it usually ends up lasting longer. Those couple of hours are filled with laughter. We’re making memories the kids will never forget and it doesn’t cost a cent! Moms, make it a goal to do something with your children in which you devote 100% of your attention to them tonight!